Starbucks is a pretentious cesspool.
I am an author. That doesn’t mean I’m a pretentious Starbucks swilling prick. On the whole, I prefer monster coffee or regular black coffee if I’m not in a rush. I’ve never walked into a Starbucks, and the only cafe I have ever visited was to watch my friend’s band once.
I don’t understand the appeal of cafes. So many people go there to write on their laptops. Why would you do that? That’s strike one for me.
I write my books in a recliner—in my house with coffee I brewed that didn’t cost me 6 dollars a cup. I use a 50-inch Smart TV as a monitor.
Why would I purposely get a $1200 MacBook, and take it to Starbucks to write? Is it to show people how hip and cool you are? Is it so you can fish for questions from strangers hoping they’ll ask “are you a writer?”
If you are a writer and want to reach out to readers why not visit a library? Or a bookstore? Or buy Amazon ads for less than a cup of Starbucks “Cappuccino Mocha Latte with lots of sperm foam”?!
I know this may sound like a rant because it is! I am not saying writers who stop in at Starbucks for a cup of coffee and write a page or two are bad. I’m talking about the campers who buy $6 coffee and type all day. Why would you do that?
You should be focused when you write.
At least I try to stay focused. Just explore this concept with me. You—not you, but the Starbucks writers—wake up. Get your overpriced laptop bag with your $1200 laptop. Put on some decent clothes. Drive across the city in traffic to go to an overpriced coffee shop full of noise, people screaming out names, and people talking. WHY?!
I can come to my studio and write anytime I want. I can sit in my $800 recliner—that only I sit in—and write in my boxers with my fancy Starbucks coffee I made in my brewer. That is if I drank the crap. It’s not terrible coffee. I drank it like a desert dweller would drink a gallon of water when I was working at Microsoft.
Why? Because it was FREE and UNLIMITED. Not for the soy, mocha latte, spermatized foam kind. For regular COFFEE FLAVORED COFFEE! I could get it anytime I wanted, and it was cheaper than the $1 coke from the vending machines. I’ve had my fair share of Starbucks made from those fancy $5000 machines the “baristas” make it in. It’s not that good! It’s just coffee!
Starbucks seems like more of a complication than a utility.
It seems like people do that to get noticed. If you want to go somewhere to write, why not a library? They are full of books, quiet, you can get any book you want to improve your prose!
You can even check out the books for free, or use their Wi-Fi if you have no internet at home. Guess what else? Library Wi-Fi will be much faster than Starbucks! Why? Because there aren’t 20 other hipster leftists all hogging it to read BuzzFeed lists ripped off from another site! There’s no logical reason to go to Starbucks to write! Or any other cafe!
What is the point of a cafe, anyway? It sells overpriced coffee and danishes. Things you can get for much less at any fast food place now. McDonald’s sells fancy coffee for half the price that Starbucks charges and is 100x less pretentious.
So, I ask you “Starbucks Writers” why do you write there? Why would you buy overpriced coffee from a leftist propaganda mill? Why would you patron a place that pays people minimum wage and gives them benefits to cut their dicks off?
Read that nonsense here.